I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
