she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
