And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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