I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
