I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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