He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize