idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
