I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
