So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
