it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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