My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
