I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She told me I should be a condom model.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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