My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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