I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
