dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
