Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
