Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize