Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize