You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
