Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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