no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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