hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
