y did u give ur computer a hand job?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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