So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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