There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Someone shattered a urinal.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
