I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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