I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
