do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
