sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
