i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
