i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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