i permit you to call me
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
