If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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