his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
