All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
