Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
