no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
is it fun? or sober?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
