It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
