You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
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