Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.

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(585): View more from New York

are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?

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(949): View more from California

Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.

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(+64): View more from New Zealand

The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.

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(812): View more from Indiana

I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.

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(815): View more from Illinois

he ran through my sliding door

(1-815): View more from Illinois

in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers

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(309): View more from Illinois

Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on

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(314): View more from Missouri

So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?

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