so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
