Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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