I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
