On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
