Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
