i just google imaged poop.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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