proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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