areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
