I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
