Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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