I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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