You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Randomize
