how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
