I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize