she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
