I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just want to make out with him forever
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
