I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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