lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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