worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
