Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
