He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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