is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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