my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
