I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
