I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
