just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
