Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
