Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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