I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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