hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
