Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
