4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
