Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
