Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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