I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just threw up on my dentist
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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